On the small platform at the end of Rask’s watch, he wakes Alexis, who has the next watch. Rask shares his watch observations with Alexis and then pauses, looks at Alexis with a bit of penitence and speaks quietly so as not to wake the others:
“Alexis, you bade me to focus on protecting Ca’armine and Ethelred and I agreed. After the camp the White Stag led us to, I was focused on protecting you, when you freed us from the call of that accursed inn, it was clear to me that I had been led astray…”
Rask hangs his head a bit, pauses, and then continues.
“The White Stag pool, then the Inn, then Zrithak in my dreams the other night… I am worried that my mind is weak, I have been working to strengthen my will, but I am worried it may not be enough…”
Rask’s concern hangs in the air, an unspoken request for aid lingers between the two men.
6 thoughts on “We Begin With Ourselves: The Stag Pool”
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Alexis is quiet for a moment, looking out into the dark.
“I’ve noticed.” He says it without judgment. “Fear during the room of doubles. The Black Blade. Zithrak.” He lets that list sit. “Each time, something else decided what you wanted and you went with it.”
He looks at Rask.
“Ca’armine is the one to talk to about strengthening your will. He stared down that beetle-looking armored thing under Nodden-Torr without flinching. That’s not my territory.” A shrug. “But I’ll tell you what I’ve seen from the outside.”
He keeps his voice low.
“When we’re moving fast and there’s pressure on, you stop asking what you actually want and you just move toward whatever’s in front of you. That’s when these things get in. They don’t have to be stronger than you. They just have to be there when you’re not paying attention to yourself.”
He looks back out into the dark.
“Red might be able to make you something. It would take time and materials we don’t have right now.” He glances at Rask. “But that’s a conversation worth having with him.”
A short breath-worth-of-time.
“Thank you for bringing this to me.”
Rask listens carefully to Alexis and waits for a long breath before responding.
“Thank you Alexis. Paying more attention to myself. I must admit I hadn’t quite thought of it that way… it makes sense though. Thank you. I will endeavor to broaden my attention and pay attention to myself. I will talk with Ethelred as well as more with Ca’armine.”
Rask is clearly still thinking about Alexis’ advice.
“Stay focused on… no, keep asking… what it is I actually want? And pay attention to myself…”
Rask looks at Alexis for confirmation.
Alexis watches Rask and waits to see if there will be a question. Alexis appears to be in no hurry.
“Is that right? Pay attention to myself and what I really want? What if what I really want is to charge in a cut the enemy down?”
Alexis nods slowly.
“Cutting them down is how. It’s not why.” He looks at Rask. “You’re very clear on how. You’ve always been clear on how. But what are you fighting for when the sword comes out? What does winning actually get you?”
He lets that sit.
“You’ve heard the saying: the ends don’t justify the means?”
Rask ponders Alexis first chunk of feedback, gnawing on it a bit.
The last part throws him off.
“That’s sounds like the opposite of how I heard it in the army.”
“There are means though… I think may be starting to understand. Poison has always been a step too far for me.”
“Winning gets me an enemy vanquished, ideally never to threaten Us” he gestures towards Aegir and Sutheron,
“again.”
Rask shrugs, and says quietly, “We fight for Humanity, we should not lose sight of what it means to be human.”
Still chewing… he nods to Alexis, pondering but open to more.