After so long… the destination is before us. Ca’armine feels deeply. He cannot deny the fear– this team has faced horrible dangers and lived, but now they are preparing to assault the keep of their long-sought foe, attack his stronghold, force the confrontation. Complete victory, he knows, will be a miracle.
During his watch he contemplates each of his companions in turn. Alexis, who has transcended his magic-trained mentality, by accepting Raiden as his protector and guide. He smiles, warmly, feeling the genuine joy of the blossoming of his relationship with the team leader. He and Alexis are synchronized now, through the blessings of Raiden. He looks at Gus, and realizes that Gus will do anything to preserve his team and achieve the goal. Uncomplicated, undramatic, focused, and powerful– though he does not utter the Holy Name, he is a child of Raiden and Raiden loves him dearly. Is Ethelred even sleeping? His eyes are closed, but Ca’armine sees them moving behind his eyelids. Studying a scroll that is only scribed in his mind. Ca’armine shakes his head in wonder. Red is so different from Ca’armine, but also just as dedicated as any of them, to solving the puzzle and defeating the foe. Then Rask, his first true comrade in this band. The road Rask has traveled! He feels pride, sinful as it is, in the distance Rask has traveled. He reminds himself that, though he provided guidance and encouragement, the true toil of soul was Rask’s alone. Though Ca’armine cast the ritual, if Rask had not had the strength of mind and heart to throw off the Black Blade and Zithrak, this adventure would have been a short one indeed. Now the team knows that Rask will carry them to victory if it is with his last breath.
He looks up. Inspired, he prays: Raiden, show me myself. Show me, what I would see from outside myself.
Determination and focus. Belief, in Raiden and in the righteousness of the cause he is so close to completing, this night. There is a blurriness there too, a leap of faith– he has to admit to himself that he became convinced that this path was his destiny, and once convinced, chose never again to examine the goal or the path toward it. He cajoled these men, preaching when reason didn’t work. Converting Rask to his own vision of Raiden worship, then Alexis, maybe even Gus– and in so doing, forging a commitment in them, to the same ends.
Stop the Dark Hand. Confront Bandesingh. Purge the taint from the Raidensblud.
He realizes the pride in the center of this: seeking vindication for running away from his commitment to the Raidensblud. He still feels, that he was right about the priesthood, right about the subversion of the king, but that blurriness, the leap of faith, is still one that he must make every time he examines himself like this.
As usual, he shakes that off. This is fallibility, he thinks. Even the wisest, must accept not knowing, as a component of knowledge. He realizes that this is a self-justification, that it does not answer all the questions, but that faith is sometimes its own answer.
For a moment his vision whirls, and he feels as though his vision is spinning. He stomps the cold ground to make sure his feet are firmly planted– they are. He wraps his arms around his chest, reassuring himself he stands still. The vertigo persists a moment, then clears– and he feels as though he is floating.
One deep breath, inhaled and then exhaled. Eyes closed. Raiden Hear my Prayer!
Guide, protector, warrior, priest. Raiden, I have striven all my life to know you and follow you. Now I know that you are with me, and that, fallible as I may be, you are holding me up and through me, my team-mates.
Our cause is just, but our foes are powerful. I beseech you, to aid us in this hour of need! We cannot walk away, we cannot step aside, we cannot falter, we must persevere– and only with your guidance, your strength, and your inspiration will we defeat the foul foe.
Guide us– show us the way! Show me the way, to enter this fortress and defeat the foe.
Protect us– save us from harm! Though we may falter, hold us up long enough, that we can defeat the foe.
Lead us– keep our feet on the righteous path. Inspire us to overleap the pitfalls that await.
Bless us– our cause is just, our hearts are stout, our resolve is strong. Help us to step past the fear!
Strengthen our arms, our spells, our faith and our resolve.
Raiden we need you now more than ever!
