Before settling in for the night, shortly after meeting the Crimson Calling, Rask finds Ethelred separately from the others and catches his attention.
“I can see it in your eyes Ethelred. Your first time?”
Rask looks into Ethelered’s eyes.
“Recently.” Rask nods,
“If you want to talk about with someone who’s been there, let me know. You’ll never forget, but it does get… easier.”
Rask’s thousand yard stare is sad and determined, but welcoming and hopeful too.
Ethelred looks stunned, taken aback by the words of Rask.
His mind reels with the memory of that room. The walls felt close. The air stuffy. The sounds of battle, The stench of foul magic. The demon. The Raidensblood. The mage. All of it whirls in this mind’s eye. Red stumbles back a half step. Cold. Sweet drip down his brow.
“Too be honest… I… had pushed that memory down. So much else has happened since. The loss of Ezrin is still fresh.
Killing is not our way. We dodge, we talk. We give fight when pushed. But attacking.. from.. behind like…
Even now I don’t recall what I was thinking the moment before the blade slid in. Something over took me. Instinct. The desire to end the battle, to get the sword.
Killing humans should be the last choice. It came too easy to me. Maybe it was the foul magic in the air, the betrayal of the Raidenblood… The confusion over the Gnolls… The demon stench…
I do not know what over took me…. I… I… want to atone for this digression”
Ethelred looks down at the ground, clearly shaken by the flood of memories.
Rask stiffens briefly, and then softens again, breathing out slowly.
“We are at war, war for the very survival of humanity. Sometimes doing what is right means doing things that feel wrong.”
He pauses for a moment and looks Ethelred in the Eyes.
“You are a man of Aegir, raised in the Land of Raiden, you did what was needed against and Evil Foe. Your instinct was right, even if now you recoil from it.”
Rask pauses again.
“Taking a human life is no small thing. There is nothing wrong with being shaken by the experience, but it is nothing compared to letting Humanity fall to the corruption and evil of those that would summon demons against to fight another human.”
“You did a terrible thing, you made the hardest choice. Doubting yourself will only hurt you, it won’t change anything. It was the right thing and it’s done.”
Rask is sad, resigned, determined and compassionate, but hardened.
Ethelred listens. The words fall against him like rain against a rock.
“Rask, you and I have followed very different paths. Fighting.. does not come.. naturally to me.
I can’t say it was right to strike down the mage, even if he was evil, even if he was doing evil.
I have seen redemption. I have seen the darkness. I have helped push back chaos.
I do not know if I will be able to take another humans life… and that worries me. As we move to take on Bandasign. What will I do if I am facing him and I have the opportunity to strike him down. I assumed the choice would be easy. I see now that no choice to take a humans life is easy. The weight of that choice lays upon one.
There is no going back, there is only forward. I hope I have the strength to make the righteous choice.”
Rask nods with approval and compassion.
“There is no going back, only forward.” Rask repeats softly.
“The right choice isn’t always the easy choice.” Rask adds, a sad note in his voice.
More clearly, and with steel resolve, “I trust you to have my back Ethelred, and I hope you know I will have yours.”
He pauses, and finally, with a softer conviction, says, “If you want to talk more, I’m here.”